Humbled

This will be post #1 for the day, because I feel like I have two pretty exciting things to talk about. First, I've been incredibly humbled this week. I was in extreme pain on Sunday night and Monday, and then again on Wednesday. I ended up going to my gynecologist Wednesday, which provided no answers and left me more frustrated, and then I went to the ER that night because the pelvic pain was so severe. No one ever gave me a straight answer of what was wrong. Could be a ruptured cyst. Could be endometriosis like always, but worse. Or it could be fibroids, which I have. I went for an ultrasound today which led to more confusion with my doctor and less answered questions. Through the midst of this I've been wondering, "God, what am I supposed to do? How do I handle this pain and how do I keep dealing with it?" Turns out, I was asking the wrong question.

Tonight at church, Pastor Spells spoke about how we react to situations and the fact that other people are watching us. We may not understand our trials, but we have to realize that others see us going through them and they doubt God if we doubt Him. I can't sit here wallowing in my own self-pity. There is a purpose to this pain or ailment or whatever is wrong. I may not understand, and I don't have to like it, but if I trust in God, eventually I will see good come out of it. I applied the same principle to my self-doubt and jealousy issues lately. Is that really how I view myself? Is it how God views me? No and no. So when those nagging, annoying thoughts creep into my head, I need to tell them to GET OUT! I've been living in FEAR that this pain, or these thoughts, will never go away or be controlled. That fear is not of God.

For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of POWER, and of LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND.
~ 2 Timothy 1:7

This scripture is what I need to remember in these moments of doubt, because I have no reason to fear.